Monday, June 22, 2009

I met god....

Yeah, I know I should post something...It's the summer solstice and the weather was perfect here, on the cool side and not much wind. I decided to go on a bike ride. I took off around 11 am and thought I would be gone for a few hours.
A wise person would look at a map first when taking a road he's unfamiliar with. I had a vague idea of how the road went...
This is not a flat place. Just to get to the main road requires really wanting to take a bike ride. When I get to the road, I'm okay, but it's that first kilometer. I rode to the village of Coubjours, on the border of the Correze and took the road that I thought was a short cut to Louignac. Suddenly I was headed straight downhill...and the road meandered through the bottom of a valley for a few kilometers, through farmfields and old farms, then I had to go up hill...it seemed to be one of the longest climbs I have ever done. Perhaps because this was the first really long bike ride I had done here this year that it seemed so long...
I thought it strange that there were no signs. I wanted to go to St. Robert, but I found I was way south of there and heading down another hill to the Gorge of the Elle. I realized where I was and the only easy way back to my house was all uphill for 20 kilometers.
So my two hour trip turned into a 6 hour ordeal. Now I am reliving my folly and marveling at how my leg muscles have turned to rubber...and my butt hurts.
Soooo.....I guess I will tell you the story of how I actually met god...

He came up to me in a bar in Glascow, Scotland and told me he was god. He was a strange looking little dirty man with a wild beard and wilder eyes and he tried to get me to buy him a Newcastles. I said, "If you're God, then why are drinkin Newcastles, then? And why do you need to borrow money from me? There's kids starvin, I see it on the telly all the time and if you were God, you could sort all that out instead of trying to shag a beer out of me!"
Well, the old guy looks at me fierce, and you know, for a smelly old geezer, he was little scary, and he raises hisself up and says,
"Jist hud oan a minute, pal. Lit's git one thing straight. Every fickin time ah come doon here, some wide-o pills ays up aboot what should n shouldnae be fuckin daein.
Either that or ah huv tae enter intae some philosophical fuckin discourse wi some wee undergraduate twat aboot the nature of masel, the extent ay ma omnipotence n aw that shite. Ah'm gettin a wee bit fed up wi aw theis self-justification; it's no for yous cunts tae crticise me. Ah made yous cunts in ma ain image. You git oan wi it; yous fuckin well sort it oot. That cunt Nietzsche wis wide ay the mark whin he sais ah wis deid. Ah'm no deid; ah jist dinnae gie a fuck. It's no fir me tae sort everty cunts problems oot. Nae other cunt gies a fuck so should ah? Eh?"

And then he turned me into a fly.

4 comments:

Dromedary Hump said...

Hahahah!!! Awesome.

So... you met the true god AND a true scotsman?

If ya run into him again, try and find out what the God/scotsman wears under his kilt.
I'm guessing lipstick, if he's really lucky.

Hump

Unknown said...

A good laugh.

Anonymous said...

Abortion is part of the decay inflicted by the gods in the latter half of the 20th century as we approach the Apocalypse::::
- Free sex
- Explosion in gay sex
- Abortion
- Legalized greed/immorality
- The internet. Whereas TV was a phenominally destructive new temptation on the landscape it doesn't hold a candle to the internet. Some people will waste their whole lives. And its timing was deliberate.

So many people don't care about global warming. They don't care about the Federal deficit/debt (outside of partisanship) and they don't care earning $400k for an $80,000/year job will eventually bankrupt the country. They have awarded themselves $400k pay and retirement packages, loading up their friends on the payroll during the boom 90s through the real estate bust while all services which the program were intended to fund now get cut to pay for it.
These people are often common public university labor. Not Ivy League, not private university.
This labor isn't good enough to command the salaries they are earning. And they understood this when they applied to the public university they settled on.
You can't expect a top-tier salary with a second-rate education.
They think they are going sometime during/at the end of this life, and disregard the poor souls who are left behind.
These are the people who will be here in the United States when bankruptcy is declared and society deteriorates into chaos. And they will deserve the anarchy which ensues.

Continuing the push for privatization, reinforced and supported recently with enormous public sector salaries and retirement packages.
Once achieved the gods will utilize the corruptive predisposition of the private sector economy, as seen with the sub-prime/bailout fiasco, to initiate economic catastrophy and initiate the bankruptcy proceedings of the United States.
Whether the cure for cancer/diseases or the permanant resolution of economic misery, before the gods remove these motivations to pray we will experience an inordinate deluge of each element, with economic misery being perhaps the dissallusion of the united States with bankruptcy.

The gods used the Italians to ruin life in the 20th century.
The gods used the Italians to ruin life in A.D. with The Church.
The Church controlled Western Civilization. As the largest land owner in Europe they controlled the monarchies. They were responsbile for slavery, revenge for African invasion and rape of Italy. They created religious discontent, ultimately leading to the disfavored dumping ground known as the United States.
And each generation of these Italians were sold on "earning", only to be reincarnated as a lesser life form subsequently, punishment for their evil.
"The West Bank, where the end of the world will begin." With xtianity.

A good example of societal decay and how the gods manage their culpability is birth defects. In the past the gods occassionally punished people by divinely creating birth defects in the womb. Now, with the advent of biotechnology, they tempt the mother with "earning" and compell her to take a substance in utero which deforms the fetus, dispelling the gods of blame and future obligation to the victim. Incidentally, they use liberal policies to pay for these individuals, ensuring a lifetime wasted, for they have no hope for progress. Too often in the past they were mercifully killed immediately and brought back without this handicap, allowing them opportunity to resume their journey of ascention into heaven.
The gods are washing their hands of culpability. The gods are washing their hands of Planet Earth.

You don't want to get involved in the abortion battle. You're not "earning". The gods will use this tool to cast people into Damnation. Nothing will save them. Stop wasting your time on others and work on fixing your own problems. If you don't make enough progress to be granted good parents when reincarnated you will waste your next life too.

microdot said...

Utter shite!
In he above deranged post that I just recieved, the poster managed to reaffirm my fundamental belief that religion was only a step in the evolution of our human consciousness. Now it seems to be a symptom of mass delusion, a refuge for psychotics, a harbor for neurosis, a breeding place for perversion.
I was told, or so I managed to decipher from the rambling mass of mental effluvia posted above, that if I continue to support abortion rights, then I will go to hell and not be reincarated with good parents.
Most basic human rights are sins?
I think this post was a excretions caused by bad religion, mood altering prescription drugs and an idiot who stayed up way past their bedtime.

Okay, I'll give you what you so obviously want: You deserve a hearty spanking. You would like that, right? Give me your address and I'll find someone to come right over. Handcuffs? A ball gag? Tight vinyl laced up corset? A nice brightly colored vibrating dildo with gayley flashing lights shoved up your recently self abused rectal orifice? I want you to be happy and you obviously are not a very happy person.