Sunday, September 20, 2009

Big Career Move...


Lately, I've been pondering a career move and doing a little research as to a new metier that might prove to be more exciting and profitable and I keep hearing the fundamentalist christians referring to an anti christ. After a bit of research, I discovered that they've been going on about anti-christs of one sort or another for centuries, since 70 AD as far as I can see.

An anti christ was supposed to destroy Jerusalem then, but didn't and the next time the job position was open was around 1000 AD, which was considered an apocalyptic date, so the expectations were high, but no applicants came forward.

Again around 1120 Ad, in the obscure text, The Vaudois Church, there is mention of the anit christ and the effect of creating "moral turpitude, but not much more.
In 1260, Joachim announced that the anti christ was already born and the last days of the world had begun...that was 800 years ago and we are still in the last days of Joachim, I guess.

In 1520, though, Luther claimed that the anti christ was not just one person, but an institution, beginning a long tradition of fundamentalists labeling anything they didn't like as the anti christ, there by making it ok to hate it and destroy it.
So, the catholic church became the anti christ.

In 1585, the protestants refined the idea that it wasn't the entire catholic church, just the "papacy".  Meanwhile, the Jesuits counter charged that the anti christ was definitely not catholic and would be one person who had a great personality and was probably very entertaining...and could cause moral turpitude...Yeah!

The anti christ was supposedly mentioned in 1846 to some spaced out peasants who reportedly saw the virgin Mary in France. This time, the anti christ was definitely going to be catholic...

For some reason, the date Febuary 5, 1962 became fixated upon as the birthdate of the anti christ. People sharing this birthdate are Bill Gates and my dentist.
Fundamentalist christians claimed that John F. Kennedy was the anti christ, Mikail Gorbachev was the anti christ..Jerry Falwell before he O.D.ed on fried foods claimed the anti christ was alive and  was a jewish guy in Queens named Larry.

Barack Obama is supposed to be the anti christ because of his Chicago Zip Code, which proves it beyond the shadow of a doubt to many well informed evangelicals...

I dunno, does the job pay well? The job description says that the anti christ has to be highly likable, reasonably talented and an atheist or what ever and capable of causing great moral turpitude... I can do that. I mean, people like me, I really like to sing, I can dance pretty good and play a musical instument. I'm not religious in the least and more than a little intrigued by this moral turpidtude thing. I would like to see the dissolution of organized religion, but I'd really be a reasonable kind of anti-christ.

I'd be willing to take alternate Sundays. The fundamentalists could get every other Sunday, if they didn't want to listen to me on my Sundays, they could organize a bowling league or take up mah-jhong. All the other people who wanted to hear my message of moral turpitude are welcome....
Now, the next thing I want to find out about is the vacations and BONUSES!

2 comments:

Unknown said...

Great and highly humorous post. I especially loved the picture.

liz said...

Dear Sir,
Thank you for your application.

Our firm Diablo is the leading global and extra global specialist recruitment group, with an impervious business model based on our ability to satisfy the needs of our discerning clients, and to provide quality candidates through the application of our specialist recruitment know-how and supernatural intervention.
The selection committee will convene in early November to ensure that the position is filled by late December, in keeping with tradition.

As you did not fill in all of the required fields please send information on the following:

To which recruitment area does your application refer? Diablo Executive, Diablo Human Resources or Diablo Logistics.

Your querie about vacations and bonuses is somewhat tautological. The Funky President needs no vacations. The role itself is pure bonus. The appointee will receive an 'impressive package', including the provision of a BMW z4 as seen in the short film featuring James Brown - 'Beat the Devil'

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-qQvXawnmjk

yrs, Gary Oldman CEO Diablo.