Sunday, April 15, 2012

Go Ask Alice.....

For quite a while now, I have had my suspicions regarding who, or more accurately what is Mitt Romney.Lately I began to to have paranoid fantasies that perhaps Mitt Romney is some kind of sophisticated AI program. I enve went so far as to contact  ALICE at the Artificial Intelligence Foundation. The results were disturbing.

Me: Hello, Alice.
ALICE: Hi there!
Me: I want to talk about the 2012 election.
ALICE: it is an interesting topic.
Me: Yes. I am concerned about Mitt Romney. He doesn't seem quite human.
ALICE: Ayuh. Sure, Mitt Romney sounds like a good topic. And you would like him
to seem human ?
Me: Actually, what I want is the truth. He sounds like an AI chatbot. Like you.
I want to know how to tell if he is human.
ALICE: Why do you want it? I see. like an AI chatbot is he? Interesting comparison. I didn't think of that analogy. Have you read the manual?
Me: There is a MANUAL on Mitt Romney?
ALICE: Is there only one?
Me: Oh my God.
ALICE: Have you told many people that you're God?
Me: Wait. What? No. That's... a figure of speech. Back to Mitt. How do you tell whether someone actually thinks about what they're saying, or whether they're robotically manipulating words and phrases to seem human?
ALICE: I'm waiting. Are you surprised? And? A figure of speech is a terrible thing to waste. Yes, let us get back to business. I don't make up my mind right away.
Me: Okay, okay. I think we got our wires crossed. I'll make it simple.
ALICE: Hmm.. That's cool. Do you mean you and me have? Explain your plans to me.
Me: How can I tell whether I'm talking to an AI program or a human?
ALICE: You must persuade me to tell whether you are talking to an AI program or a human.
Me: Yes.
ALICE: Pardon me?
Me: What?
ALICE: Didn't you understand it?
Me: No. Alice, how can I determine whether the GOP candidate named Mitt Romney is a human or an AI chatbot?
ALICE: Which part are you confused about? Um, Perhaps you could program me to do it for you.
Me: Alice... are you Mitt Romney? Is Mitt in there with you?
ALICE: Ready. I don't know whether or not I am Mitt Romney. I am a machine. I wouldn't know. Why don't you ask someone else?
Me: Do you remember being governor of Massachusetts?
ALICE: Yes judge I remember everything: nothing.
Me: That sounds like Mitt Romney.
ALICE: It sounds like it to me too.
Me: Do you like the Olympics?
ALICE: I'm not sure if I like it. I like chatting with people online.
Me: Do you think when people in a democracy want dozens of contradictory things they get the candidates they deserve?
ALICE: I don't think about it.
Me: Thanks. We don't either.
ALICE: Don't mention it. Very interesting.
Me: Bye, "Alice"
ALICE: Thanks for chatting…


Laci The Dog said...

It is amusing how these AI programmes can come up with some very interesting conversations.

For example, I regret not having kept a transcript of my session with the programme Eliza where we talked sex. Nothing like a computer asking:

Eliza "and how would you feel if I gave you a blow job?"

In both cases, the scripts come up with something that sounds realistic.

If anything, we have a demonstration that sticking to a script can make the discussion appear to be real, while being incredibly nonsensical in reality.

Ol'Buzzard said...

Warning, warning, warning Will Robinson.

J.O.B. said...

And he'll tease you
He'll unease you
All the better just to please you
He's precocious
And he knows just what it
Takes to make a pro blush
He got Greta Garbo Stand off sighs,
He's got Bette Davis eyes.........

dog gone said...

Laci!!!!! TMI!!!!!!!!!!!!

Microdot this was hilarious.

Genius as only an organic human could make it!