Stardate 10.16.2009

Captains Log, Stardate 10.16.2009....

The last position of the Starship Enterprise was a few degrees from the center of the Velcro IV Galaxy as we entered the outer planetary system of Vegas 9 and were proceeding on our mission to investigate whether intelligent life still existed on the inner planets, Hollywood and Trumpworld when the enterprise was caught in a bizarre space/time continuum. Some sort of inexplicable force has us repeating the same manoever over and over again and the computer screens look like the primitive early computer game, QuadraPong.

The ship seems to be in cloak mode and we are being forced over and over again to the same location above the Planet Earth and the computer keeps insisting that we are now in the 21st Century. Some force is bringing the Enterprise back to the same location over the continent of Europe, more exactly, over a place which was once the primitive country of Switzerland.

Scotty seems most affected as his accent has become more primitive, braying things like, "Aye Cap'n, the wee cunt's fahring air disrupter farce ay the same place, over en over! Ay dinnae touch a cunt hair on the panel."

Then we seem transported back to the same location in our time, near the Vegas system ...only to have the same mad thing happen over and over again!

The crew is getting a little crazy and Scotty wants to pick up a haggis the next time it happens."

More than a year after an explosion of sparks, soot and frigid helium shut it down, the world’s biggest and most expensive physics experiment, known as the Large Hadron Collider, is poised to start up again. In December, if all goes well, protons will start smashing together in an underground racetrack outside Geneva in a search for forces and particles that reigned during the first trillionth of a second of the Big Bang.

Then it will be time to test one of the most bizarre and revolutionary theories in science. I’m not talking about extra dimensions of space-time, dark matter or even black holes that eat the Earth. No, I’m talking about the notion that the troubled collider is being sabotaged by its own future. A pair of otherwise distinguished physicists have suggested that the hypothesized Higgs boson, which physicists hope to produce with the collider, might be so abhorrent to nature that its creation would ripple backward through time and stop the collider before it could make one, like a time traveler who goes back in time to kill his grandfather.

Holger Bech Nielsen, of the Niels Bohr Institute in Copenhagen, and Masao Ninomiya of the Yukawa Institute for Theoretical Physics in Kyoto, Japan, put this idea forward in a series of papers with titles like “Test of Effect From Future in Large Hadron Collider: a Proposal” and “Search for Future Influence From LHC,” posted on the physics Web site arXiv.org in the last year and a half.

According to the so-called Standard Model that rules almost all physics, the Higgs is responsible for imbuing other elementary particles with mass.

“It must be our prediction that all Higgs producing machines shall have bad luck,” Dr. Nielsen said in an e-mail message. In an unpublished essay, Dr. Nielson said of the theory, “Well, one could even almost say that we have a model for God.” It is their guess, he went on, “that He rather hates Higgs particles, and attempts to avoid them.”

This malign influence from the future, they argue, could explain why the United States Superconducting Supercollider, also designed to find the Higgs, was canceled in 1993 after billions of dollars had already been spent, an event so unlikely that Dr. Nielsen calls it an “anti-miracle.”

Captains Log, Stardate 10.17.2009.........................................