Mittens 5 Point Customer Satisfaction Guarantee!

Mitt Romney has rocked the political world with a five-point program of how he will improve customer satisfaction. Speaking to a closed meeting of consumers, he said instead of creating another government agency, he will personally oversee his Customer Satisfaction Plan.

Pundits are amazed and stunned by Romney’s plan. Traditionally political candidates avoid talking about customer satisfaction. Bringing that up is a turn-off to leaders of industries like telecoms, telemarketing, insurance, financial services, health care, airlines and agriculture. Any hint a candidate might put consumer concerns ahead of corporate has never been welcomed in the corporate world.

Unlike other proposed programs by Romney, he spelled out the details of what he would do for consumers. A confidential source has given The Consumerist Manifesto Blog the details of what Romney said:

1-Talk to CEOs: I will convene a meeting of all the corporate CEOs I know. They are people just like me. I know how to talk to them. I will tell them I want them to do something for consumers.

2-Go Grocery Shopping: Each quarter I will go grocery shopping to see how my policies are affecting food prices. I am not talking about fly-overs. I’m talking about pushing one of those grocery carts I have seen and buying stuff like bread.

3-Enforce Do Not Call Rules: If a telemarketer calls any of my phones in the Oval Office, I’ll have the FTC collect the $16,000 per call fine. If they call on the Red Phone, I’ll send in a drone.

4-Use the ER: If my physician is taking care of other patients, I will go to a local ER to attend to medical needs that come up.

5-Measure Results: When I make promises, I have someone report results to me. I will personally stay on top of how you are treated by corporations. That’s one promise I intend to keep.