The Sacred Ronnie Festival

The official sacrificial ritual and rite of remembrance of the Hallowed Hundredth Birthday of the Sacred Ronnie, is being suitably celebrated on that most American of days when two football teams beat each other other brains out while the tribal elders hold a feast of barbecue and beer.

We can only stand in reverent awe at the grand legacy he bestowed on our once morally sodden Republic, held hostage to the ideals of the Democratic Limousine Liberals.  His outspoken legacy of patriotism which began with with his selfless dedication when as President of the Screen Actors Guild, he informed on his fellow actors to the FBI. A noble act which saved a generation of Americans from having to actually confront reality with painful facts.  Using his knowledgable expertise, garnered from his acting craft and canny prescience he was able to transform his role as an American Secret Agent, in the 1940 Warner Brothers thriller  "Murder in the Air," in which he was charged with protecting a super weapon that could strike all enemy planes from the air. Seed planted in Reagan's brain. Then in 1966, Alfred Hitchcock released a Reagan favorite, "Torn Curtain," in which American agent Paul Newman works on developing an anti-missile missile. In words that must have made Ronnie tingle, Newman's character asserts: "We will produce a defensive weapon that will make all nuclear weapons obsolete, and thereby abolish the terror of nuclear warfare." Sound familiar? Reagan used almost the exact words in selling missile defense from the office, 17 years later. The Sacred Ronnie was so far ahead of his time that when he first proposed a missile defense system -- immediately dubbed "Star Wars" by skeptical reporters -- in a March 23, 1983 speech from the Oval Office, Frances Fitzgerald reveals in her brilliant history "Way Out There in the Blue," Reagan didn't get his plan from the scientists or the generals. The Pentagon wasn't even notified of his speech ahead of time. Reagan stole Star Wars directly from -- the movies.

We have to thank the Sacred Ronnie for his eerie, far seeing wisdom with which he attack the phony issue of global warming. In his 1980 campaign, he nailed the real culprits! Cows and Killer Trees! Which he blamed for 93% of Nitrogen Oxide pollution.

The Reagan administration had secret plans for an unconstitutional takeover of the federal government under an ill-defined national emergency. Members of the government created by the coup had been selected and included Richard Cheney. All Americans can breath easier now that their security blanket concerns had been taken care of decades ago!

Let's take a moment to contemplate some of the pearls of wisdom The Sacred Ronnie excreted to be only trodden by our unworthy cloven feet:

 "A tree's a tree.  How many more do you need to look at?" -- Ronald Reagan (Governor of California), quoted in the Sacramento Bee, opposing expansion of Redwood National Park, March 3, 1966

"All the waste in a year from a nuclear power plant can be stored under a desk." --Ronald Reagan (Republican candidate for president), quoted in the Burlington (Vermont) Free Press, February 15, 1980

"It's silly talking about how many years we will have to spend in the jungles of Vietnam when we could pave the whole country and put parking stripes on it and still be home by Christmas." --Ronald Reagan (candidate for Governor of California), interviewed in the Fresno Bee, October 10, 1965

"...the moral equal of our Founding Fathers." --President Reagan, describing the Nicaraguan contras, March 1, 1985

"Fascism was really the basis for the New Deal." --Ronald Reagan, quoted in Time, May 17, 1976

"...a faceless mass, waiting for handouts." --Ronald Reagan, 1965.  (Description of Medicaid recipients.)

"Unemployment insurance is a pre-paid vacation for freeloaders." --California Governor Ronald Reagan, in the Sacramento Bee, April 28, 1966

"We were told four years ago that 17 million people went to bed hungry every night.  Well, that was probably true.  They were all on a diet." --Ronald Reagan, TV speech, October 27,  1966

When the AIDS crisis exploded (with 20,000 deaths) before Reagan could even bring himself to address the issue six years later. In his authorized biography he is quoted in his biblical wisdom as saying that "maybe the Lord brought down this plague," because "illicit sex is against the Ten Commandments."

His administration brilliantly, in 1984 secretly sold arms to Iran -- which the United States considered a supporter of terrorism -- to raise cash for Nicaraguan contra rebels, despite a congressional ban on support for the Latin American insurgency. An independent investigation concluded that the arms sales to Iran operations "were carried out with the knowledge of, among others, President Ronald Reagan [and] Vice President George Bush," and that "large volumes of highly relevant, contemporaneously created documents were systematically and willfully withheld from investigators by several Reagan Administration officials." . . . Lawrence E. Walsh, the independent counsel who ran the inquiry, said there was "no credible evidence" that Reagan broke the law, but he set the stage for the illegal activities of others. Impeachment, Walsh said, "certainly should have been considered." Consequently,  His administration was responsible for numerous brutal actions in Latin America, including massacres in El Salvador and the war against Nicaragua.
OOPS...how did this get in here?
But he did bring down the Berlin Wall! Right? 

The claim that Reagan won the Cold War is pure rightwing propaganda. The Soviet Union had long been far weaker than many American leaders knew, or wished to acknowledge, thanks to CIA gross overestimates of its economy. The Soviet Union was brought down by a number of factors including the inherent weaknesses of dictatorship and ethnic divides that eventually forced its breakup.

 William Blum: "[George Kennan], the former US ambassador to the Soviet Union, and father of the theory of 'containment' of the same country, asserts that 'the suggestion that any United States administration had the power to influence decisively the course of a tremendous domestic political upheaval in another great country on another side of the globe is simply childish.' He contends that the extreme militarization of American policy strengthened hard-liners in the Soviet Union. 'Thus the general effect of Cold War extremism was to delay rather than hasten the great change that overtook the Soviet Union."
Uhh, this celebration isn't going at all the way I planned, I haven't even mentioned the brilliant economic policies which led to The savings and Loan Debacle, his brilliant macho invasion of Grenada, The firing of 13,000 Air Traffic Controllers, His cuts to Medicaid, food stamps, aid to families with dependent children and increasing the number of families living below the poverty line by 1/3.
So, I baked this fucking cake.....

Oh, this explains everything...
GEORGE W. BUSH: 'I learned more from Ronald Reagan than from anyone ...'
Choke on it....