Tuesday, December 26, 2006
When the shiny pink and chrome brand new Cheneytron 2000 was unpacked by the gleeful neo cons and assembled for the first time, they waited excitedly as they flipped the power switch and the good old fashioned Soviet style tubes began to warm up and glow. After a few minutes o defillibrating itself, the massive Cheneytron 2000 turned forcefully and strode uunder its own power to fulfill its destiny.
It rumbled into the CIA offices and began to manufacture its custom made intelligence reports, carefully attending to each detail to assemble the intelligence into the alarming announcements that were scientifically designed to stir Americans in to a war frenzy. Its hypnotronic voice simulator which was designed to lull everyone within its range into dull eyed submission worked perfectly on the power crazed idiot son of the last Republican president. Together, the Cheneytron 2000 and his drone unit slave, Bush Jr. were going to go far. The neo cons were aquiver with uncontrollable merriment.
Soon the Cheneytron was seen everywhere, pronouncing that invading Iraq would be a cakewalk where our soldiers would be welcomed with flowers as liberators. Meanwhile, it was printing up and spitting out contracts and sub contracts to approved corporations that would share in the loot and divide up the oil revenues from this New American Century!
Unbeknownst to everyone who was watching the Cheneytron go about its tasks, tiny flaws had developed. There were dark smudge marks on the inside of the old style triode tubes. Some of the solderings had begun to over heat...the defillibration unit was making strange creaky sounds and emitting a tell tale noxious odor. The hypnotronic droning device began to slur and repeat itself in an endless loop of "We are about to turn the corner in Iraq!", "The terrorists are on the run...skawk...eeep!"
Only those in the closest proximity, the president, George Jr. among them were still affected by it.
In Febuary, last year, the Cheneytron had a major malfunction and shot an old man in the face. This incident was hushed up and there was even an attempt to show that it had real feelings, though we all know that the very efficient Cheneytron 2000 was designed to have no feelings.
The Cheneytron 2000 has a support staff of almost 100 aides and technicians, making it in effect it's own government department. Even now, it sits grumbling and creaking, emitting foul odors, skawking its same endless loop of doom and it pursues its program of BYOT! Build youu own threat! It is carefully sorting and assembling intelligence reports nad influenciing its rapidly shrinking circle of influence to puush for an attack against Iran. We are hearing the same drone, but scratchier and jerkier about how it can't fail, the Iranian people would welcome us....
Somebody should check the warranty on this unit, send it back to the factory and givie it a lube job. Put it up on the rack and look att the transmission....What do you do with a bad machine?