The Lost Episode

(this is a lost episode of the new smash Fox Network Sit Com, Who's The Decider?)

(Cue theme music )
Scene opens with George Bush Jr. in front of mirror, practicing walking.
"Hmm, I need a little more space in the stride. I gotta watch High Noon again...there, I almost had it...(he takes three steps) Nah, somethings missing. Maybe if I stuff this autographed Astros baseball down the front of my pants....

(Door opens and in strides Genna Bush)

"God, Daddy, what are you doing?"

(George pulls hands out of pants, embarrassed)

"Oh, ummm, Hi Hon...uhhh, Genna? Babs? uhhh, I'll get it right eventually"

Genna: (Giving George the once over and staring at his crotch) Gee, Dad, If you want to make a statement, why don't you just stuff the autographed bat down there too?

(Laugh track)

Genna: Hey Mom! He's stuffing crap down his pants again!

(In walks Laura Bush, dressed in one of her many beige and tan plaid pant suits. She seems distracted)

Laura: George, you know you shouldn't be doing those things in front of the girls. Nobody thinks your funny and it hasn't worked ever since the flight suit incident. Give it up!

George: Look, I was just practicing my walk in front of the mirror when little miss buttinsky waltzed in. Geez, don't I have any privacy around here?

Laura: George, Babs is upset. You promised that we could get Enrico a Green Card when she brought him back from Argentina last month. Now he's afraid to go out on the streets without his Green Card and they are invited to a party tonight.

George: When is that freeloader going to get a job? He tells us that he is an unemployed soccer star. I have the Secret Service doing security checks on him and all they can come up with is that Babs met him at a party and his father is a banker and laundering drug money for some cartel. They're probably good people, it's a good line of work...but hey, since the last election, it's getting harder for me to pull strings. All these Democrats and reporters asking questions all the time! He's not going to spend the rest of his life hiding in the Lincoln bedroom!

(Voice from outside the room) OOOOHHHH DADDY! I hate you! you promised, you don't understand Enrico. He has dreams, he has big plans!

(Babs enters room, wearing tight jeans, a short t shirt that reveals just a little too much baby fat)

Babs: All you do is criticize! You are making him feel so uptight! Please keep youur voice down because I think he's in the hall way now!

( The door opens and in walks a tall Latino good looking guy dressed in Armani leisure wear and sleazy sports sunglasses that give him a kind of insect look)

Enrico: Hey Mr. and Mrs. B! Talking about me? I gotta talk to you, cause I got a little problem...I need a few thousand dollars for a little deal this afternoon and a guy named Maxwell needs some kind of security clearance so he can get in here with out having his ...uhhh...bags searched. Don't worry, everythings cool, when I get my green card, I can go to an ATM and pay you back!

Babs and Genna: Daddy, give him the money! Let Maxwell in here! If you don't it will spoil the party...oh everything will be ruined and no one will like us anymore...wahhhh!

George: This sounds a little fishy! This isn't a drug deal? Hmmmm? Laura, what do you think?

Laura: (Looking really spacey) Huh? whaaaa? I didn't hear anything...who are you? don't touch me....(She gets a wild look on her face and stumbles out of the room)

Genna: Moms in one of her moods again....

Babs: Ahh, she's spaced out....those tranks she has to take for your stupid photo sessions. Then she has to get programmed by Uncle Karl....no wonder she gets freaky every once in a while.

George: Never mind about you mother! You never answered me about what Enrico needs the money for! Who's this Maxwell guy?

Enrico: Hey Mr. B. I thought you were cool! The girls told me that you used to snort coke off the marble fireplace in the oval office when your dad was president. Babs even showed me the razor marks from where you layed out the lines! Man, if you ever want to like hang out....let me know....

(the presidents personal portable phone rings)

George: Uhhhh, Hello....
No, this isn't the Democratic Party National Headquarters....
What? A Pizza with pineapple ham topping?
No, I didn't order....uhhh...whaaaa???? I can go...what...myself? Hey...you little jerk! When we find out who you are.....
Uhhh....they hung up.
Genna, it was those jokers who stole your cell phone again!
I am going to have to get my personal number changed all because of you and your irresponsible parties and flaky friends!
No one listens to me around here...I'm the decider and I'm deciding that you are all grounded!

The twins together: OHHH DADDY! You're nothing but a lame duck, but we still love you!
(The audience all makes sympathetic awwww noises then breaks into applause as the theme music begins)