Always Look On The Oily Side Of Life

The Brain Police has obtained exclusive footage of British Petroleum Crack Researchers solving the leak in the Gulf of Mexico...

While the boys come up with their next sure fire solution, and we wait and wait, I decided to try to look on the lighter side of the oil spill...Anyway, here are a few ideas I came up with:

1. I’m not a fan of seafood.

I grew up in the midwest and it wasn’t something we ate that often. When we did, it wasn’t that fresh. Just never developed a taste for the stuff.

I used to go to this Asian noodle place on Avenue A in New York when I lived there, and order their beef soup and always say, “There’s no shrimp in this, right?” But then, just as I get to the bottom of it there’s a shrimp there. It’s as if the cook hated me — which, to be honest, he could; I’m an awfully picky eater and he caught me making faces at him once while explaining to the waiter that shrimp are the cockroaches of the ocean floor. It was kind of a sick-to-the-stomach kind of face, with my tongue sticking out. A lot of cultures find that insulting.

In any case, now that all the Gulf shrimp are dead, the price of shrimp will have gone up so much that they’re going to be protecting it like gold bullion. So, no more shrimpy surprises for me!

Score!

2. Cuba

Take that, commies!

3. Goodbye Bermuda Triangle

BP is going to divert the oil to the Bermuda Triangle. That means the aliens that live under the water and steal all our planes and boats will probably die. Unless they come from a planet where they breathe oil. If that’s the case, it could make them stronger and they’ll steal even more planes.

Let’s say that this one has a silver lining for now, but it could turn out badly in the end.

4. The Great Wall of China will no longer be the only man-made thing visible from space.

Take that, China! (Also commies.)

Ha, ha...ha, ha...harrr dee harr.har...hee hee..It helps to laugh, right? Koff...koff, ahem...errr

it's awfully quiet, c'mon folks, laugh it up!