Friday, April 26, 2013

Creationist Anti-Science Fair 2013

C'mon kids! It's that time of the year again! What time is is? Why we are getting ready for the 2013 Brain Police Creationist Anti-Science Fair! It's time to put on your tin foil anti-thinking caps and get your projects ready for this years creationist calvacade! I got ALDO, Our Creationist Mind Control Robot Mascot out of storage and we are pounding out the dents, buffing the rust spots and oiling him up. We will present all of the submissions to the Fair here on TheBrainPolice as they come in and you can vote on a winner!
We don't want to be left in the dust, because the really cool kids in Hugoton, Kansas are already hard at work learning about the real hip cool creationist stuff that the science nerds in the wacky world of reality never get to know! Their Bored of Education is making them attend a series of events presented by the Creationist Truth Foundation. The communistical UnAmericanly Godless ACLU is trying to stop this and censor our Religious Freedom to ignore reality, because, you know, they hate our Freedoms. You know, you don't want to be left in the are some of the awesome science tests from 4th grade students in South Carolina! The start 'em early there!
Here is just some of the cool stuff that the ACLU is trying to suppress:
Dinosaurs and Man Peacefully Co-existing
“Most scientists claim that the T. Rex lived over 65 million years ago. However, there is evidence that there were Tyrannosaurs living fewer than 100,000 years ago.”
Evolution Lies! Prehistoric Babes were much more sexy
than fundamentalist Kansas skanks today!
“God made dinosaurs, or land dwelling reptiles on day six. These are just lizards. I call them God’s Gospel Lizards.”
“God created these creatures along with other land dwelling creatures on day six and they lived with men.”
“It is possible that a few of these creatures [dinosaurs] could [still] exist.”
The Unfortunate Incident
“Dinosaurs aren’t mysterious, strange creatures. They are creatures that God created to help Adam and Eve and they did until Adam sinned.”
This year as part of the BrainPolice Creationist Anti-Science Fair we are featuring a series of dramatic, educational dioramas that depict humans living along side dinosaurs on a newly created planet where all living things live peacefully side by side.
They will prove that the Earth is only 10,000 years old and the fossil evidence that evolutionists claim to have is just the remains of sinners and unbelievers that were punished in the great flood which laid down all sedentary rock strata on the planet. They also will demonstrate that the faulty evolutionary theory of the progressive stages in mans development are patently false and supposed specimens of neaderthal man are only deformed and sickly specimens of humans who developed severe arthritis the great flood.
If anything, this diorama of cave women fighting over who has the right to cook dinner for their lord and master, cave man, proves the theory of de- evolution to me, because these cave ladies are much foxier than any normal Kansas female of the fundamentalist persuasion today!
The next diorama is a tribute to the self proclaimed creation scientist, Dr. Richard Paley, a teacher of Divinity and Theology at Fellowship University and his ill fated expedition in the summer of 2000 in which he set out to prove that pterosaurs are still alive and flying! Only now, the truth can be told! Dr. Paley is back at his job and the investigation into what happened to three of his intrepid team members is still ongoing. This diorama is an attempt to explain the strange nonsense syllables he keeps uttering over and over.
The final diorama I am going to show you in this preview of the excitement we are preparing for this year BrainPolice Creationist Anti Science Fair might be probably the most controversial. It not only proves that dinosaurs existed at the same time as man, but modern cars have existed for at leat 10,000 years! Well, this car isn't so modern, it resembles a 1955 Chevrolet, which might as well be 10,000 years old! This disproves the popular nonsense images we all have in our heads of the Flintstones and their Lincoln Log Continental! In this incredible image, a dinosaur of the subspecie cottonus
cottonus sweatsockasaurus attacks prehistoric Chevy
type vehicle!
sweatsockasaurus actually attacks and tries to eat the prehistoric proto-Chevrolet like vehicle! Luckily for primitive man, the sweatsockasaurus was easily detectable from a long distance by its very distinctive odor.
Now if that isn't proof!

C'mon, kids, send me your art work, your experiments, proposals, essays, what ever you think will show the world that science is just a reality based conspiracy to deny the biblical facts! 
For example: Prove that women are anatomically designed to be subservient to men and don't deserve equal pay! Intelliigent design will show that they were designed to load washing machines and wash dishes and cook!
Or: Prove that Noah's Ark was possible by seeing how many gerbils you can pack into into a small box and how long they can stay alive! 
Whynot put a piece of carbon, assorted minerals and purified water into a sealed mason jar and leave it in the sunlight for a few weeks and pray that God doesn't decide to spontaneously start life in there to mess up your experiment and fuck with your minds?
These are just a few hints at the wide range of subjects out there waiting for your closed little minds to mold to your predestined conclusions!
Now, C'mon kids, I'm counting on you to make thebrainpolice Creationist Anti-Science Fair 2013 the biggest and most awesomest ever! You can send your entries to me:!

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