Saturday, May 21, 2011

Rapture Tech Support Hotline

As a public service, thebrainpolice has set up a rapture tech support hotline. We are here to help you deal with any technical difficulties or questions you might have regarding todays scheduled "Rapture" event.
So far, the most commonly asked question has been: How do I deal with this pesky brimstone stuff and what exactly is it?
Our expert technical staff has this answer for you: Brimstone is the geological equivalent of the biological substance known as "Santorum". It solidifies in the atmosphere as it rains down in a burning maelstrom upon the damned. We have found it to be a rather good landscaping material once it cools down a bit.
Rapture hot line hot tip: Be sure to change your cat box before 7:30 pm this evening.

1 comment:

mud_rake said...

I am always in for a pleasant surprise when I come here to read your anti-religion posts.

I wonder how many inquiries your 'hotline' dealt with and, if you can, what was the most odd question that a pre-rapturist asked?

Did you see the video of that NYC transit worker who spent his entire savings [$100,000] on posters. And the astonishment on his face when at 6:01 he was still standing there with the 'unclean' people surrounding him?

It was pitiful. Just one more person swindled by ancient manuscripts authored by charlatans.