Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Hosni's Last Tango


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The sun was sinking slowly as Hosni lay in a luxurious bed in a garishly over decorated room in a  resort villa by the sea in Sharmn el-Sheikh. It had been a very trying two weeks. He had tried to hang on and had been determined, but thwarted by his disloyal band of mongrels, that band of curs, the army which had refused to obey his order when he told them to massacre the protestors in Tarhir Square! That had been the last straw, a few days later, he was led sputtering out of the Presidential Palace and bundled off like so much old laundry to this room. He was tired, so tired...If only his traitorous army had obeyed him....if was too easy. He drifted into a warm drowse. Nobody wanted to hear from a tired old general, nobody needed him....
In the distance of his fevered dream, he heard a phone beeping and muffled he drifted back to consciousness, he heard foot steps and the door to his room open. 
"Mr. President, General Mubarak? Are you awake sir?" a subdued voice asked.
"Yes, what is it?", whispered Hosni.... 
"A phone call sir. It's an American. He wants to speak with you. He says it's urgent"
The ex president quivered with feeble rage, and enlivened by this jolt of emotion he livedly asked, "An American? What do these disloyal dogs want with me? Haven't they dishonored me enough already?"
"He wants your advice, sir"
"My advice?" Hosni's bushy eyebrows quivered increduosly. "Who in the name of Allah would be asking me for advice from that cursed land?"
"He says he's the Governor of Wisconsin"
"The whattt?" Mubarak coughed and spat something brownish onto the floor..."Ohhh, okay, put him on"
A voice tinnily squawked from the speaker phone, "Hello, Mr. President Mubarak, sir....? Am I disturbing you?"
"Yes this is the president" Hosni barked,"Who are you and what do you want?"
"Well, Mr. President General, sir...I'm Governor Scott Walker of Wisconsin and I have this little problem here and I was wonderin' if I could run it by you. You see, me and my fellow Republican Governors from the Conference are tryin to deal with these damn State Government Employee Union protestors and we think you have the experience and maybe you'd like to come aboard as a kind of advisor, you know? We could work something out..."
Hosni's wrinkled face lit up. Somebody needed him! Maybe this was the beginning of his comeback...maybe things weren't totally lost. If only his loser sons could hear this...maybe there was still a chance.....
"Well, Governor" Hosni spoke authoratively, "The first thing you need is armed force! One you can trust....Cough...I trusted that dog pack army of mine, but they turned around and bit the hand that fed them! Do you have an army?"
"Sure do, Mr. General President , Sir!" came Scotts chipper voice over the speakerphone, "I got the Wisconsin National Guard! Heck, under State Law, I'm their commander! They got to do what I say!"
A strange light gleamed in Hosni's eyes, "Excellent! That is Excellent. My advice to you for your first step in dealing with the protestor backstabbing scum Union is crush you hear?" 
Hosni was sweating feverishly now, his voice quavering but rising in volume, "CRUSH THEM, ELIMINATE THEM NOW....YOU MUST...AGHAKAHACK...KILL THEM!"
Mubarak shook a few times and bounced jerkily in a feeble manner up and down in his bed like someone was popping corn under his ass...then he made a strange wheeze and his head flopped back and started to drool...
The speaker phone squawked a few times, "Mr. General President Sir? Are you all right?"
The aide switched off the phone and hung it up.
He called the nurse on duty, but it was too late, the President General, Sir was in a coma......

1 comment:

mud_rake said...

Spectacular parody! I find the current actions of the right-wing here in the States unbelievable. It is as if they all drank some substance that killed the rational part of ther brains.

Did sh-t like this happen in Italy, Germany and Spain during the fascist years?