Thursday, March 21, 2013

MEA FUKIN' CULPA! OKAY?

Look it was uhhh, 1970, a sleazy drugged out and drunken teen party in a ranch house in Keego Harbor, Michigan. I was on probation, but well, what the fuck, it was after a Led Zepplin Concert at Olympia Stadium  and I got dragged along with my buddy Doug Ruby to a skagged out party where we thought we could make a few bucks selling stomped and adulterated psychedelic drugs to asshole suburban jocks...The high point of the bacchanalia occurred when one of the one of jerk off wannabee hip jocks shot up a mixture of meth and mescaline and started freaking because he thought he had injected an air bubble into his vein...needles to say, the party broke up...as we all drifted back into some sort of consciousness, there was really rude awakening as our hostess's parents unexpectedly returned around 8 am in morning flipping out because they found their staid suburban reality trashed by totally debauched incoherent semi nude drugged out teens...after an ugly little incident with threats of calling the police if we didn't clear out immediately, I found myself in the back seat of a  a car driving back to Detroit in the cold foggy mist...with a girl who I really didn't recognize, let alone find interesting or attractive, but she seemed to be fixated on my crotchal zone...she unzipped my pants and fished my limp 19 year old penis out of my quite ripe jockey shorts and well, in spite of the fact that it was about 8:30 am and we were both spaced out of our frikin minds in a stinking damp cold car on the I-94 Expressway (perhaps that is why I still am strangely sexually fixated on the giant Firestone Tire on the I-94...well, never mind) and there was an interested audience, well...an 19 year old penis has a mind of it's own and no memory...especially when the lyrics went:
Bawitdaba da bang a dang diggy diggy 
?Diggy?, said the boogy, said, up jump the boogy 
Bawitdaba da bang a dang diggy diggy 
?Diggy?, said the boogy, said, up jump the boogy 
Hey, I don't know what it means, but there's something kinda DNA, genetic coding here that goes way beyond language, oh yeah, baby I get it...and more than that, I have come to the ugly realization that I am probably Kid Rock's real daddy. The dates check out...he was born in 1971. I did something really fucked up and it imprinted his genetic modules with a language that I don't really understand, but it seems to be the language that pushes the buttons of white jock jack asses all over America. How else do you explain Kid Rock? I mean, like I'm frikin sorry if I bonked Dory, Doris, Darla....it was something stupid that began with a D...I don't remember and I hate to say the adulterated drugs I was pushing that evening, probably mutated her chromosomes and we created an entire new sub human species of stoopid...How else do you explain this? A retarded Jock white Rapper who speaks in tongues about drugs and whores and manages to sell millions of cds and is somehow the hippest piece of shit the Republicans can leech onto. I mean, It was none other than Tagg Romney who declared that Kid Rock was like A as in  Awesome after he endorsed his pappa, Bishop Mittens for prez.....Like these are my people, I lived in on the streets of Detroit for 18 years, then I moved to Toledo. Now we got Toledoan Joe the frikin' Plumber or Samuel Weezelfelcher, or what ever he calls himself now, giving away AR-15s for some damn reason...buy my book, it's too damn late to vote for me this time...and what is he using a soundtrack for his insanely stoopid video? KID FUKIN ROCK and his demented damaged chromosome secret message rap spong about drugs, pimps and whores: BATWITDABA!

Look, I'm sorry. What else can I say? It's not like I can go back and make it go away. Maybe one day Kid Rock will wake up and realize his true daddy is some left wing anarchistical radical French dude and he'll just have to do away with his sorry self. Like, I'm just so fucking sorry!

1 comment:

J.O.B. said...

Interesting story Dottie. But as much as I dislike the rap genre, I somehow find myself drawn to him. I love his honesty, I really do. I think one quote of his goes something like this. "Rock stars that say they do it for the art are full of shit. What they really mean to say is that they love the free sex and drugs."

You got to love it. As far as his support for Romney, can you really blame him for that? If I was worth as much money as he is, I would want to pay the least amount of taxes also. Even Bill Maher stated this week that the taxation in California is close to pushing him to the "Right" side.