Wednesday, October 19, 2011

About Last Night....

So Herman 999 Cain somehow managed to mis speak out of both ends of his torso at the same time regarding negotiating with terrorists first saying he would trade all the "hostages" we have at Guantanamo to release one American soldier if that's what Al Qaeda asked...then he said that wasn't what he meant. Of course that was when Ron, the man who would gut 999 laws, Paul mentioned that the sacred Ronnie negotiated with Iran to release the Iranian hostages in the 80's. Gingrich, who thinks he is 999% smarter, immediately tried to apologize for Ronnie and sort of blamed it on his incipient Alzheimers. Meanwhile, Mitt 999 flipflops Romney got into a cat fight with Rick, who has only 999 supporters left, Perry about illegal aliens and job creation. Both men are running on their records regarding job creation. Mitt of course is responsible for the elimination of tens of thousands of jobs during his corporate career and led Massachusetts to the glorious 47th ranked state in job creation during his governorship and Rick's great state of Texas leads the country with the highest percentage of minimum wage labor.....
Then there was Newt, who is 999% meaner, Gingrich stated that anyone who doesn't "pray" cannot be trusted in a leadership role. We all know that Newt prays a lot that his credit cards won't self immolate in his wallet while he's sitting on them. Newt and Mitt both had a hissy fit over who was the bigger sissy about health care...Newt called Mitt a liar and said if he was a health care sissy, it was because Hillary made him do it!
Rick 999 nanoseconds of airtime Santorum made the semi intelligent observation that since he won once in Pennsylvania, he could probably do it again, but this of course is ignoring the fact that he lost his last election by the largest margin of defeat for an incumbent senator since 1980.
Michelle, whose 999 actually was a 666 because she was standing on her head, Bachman claimed we should just invade everyone and make them pay us for it.
(by the way, what was Michelle wearing? I didn't know that Moamar Ghadaffi has a new gig designing clothes for JC Penney. This young dominatrix wannabee dictator line they just came out with is a sure fire winner!)

Last night, Gingrich, Romney, Perry and Santorum all broke St. Ronnie's 11th commandment: "Thou Shalt Not Speak Ill Of Any Republican!" Instead, they went ahead anyway and had a real sissy boy slap fight.
Newt, inexplicably, is asking for more debates....
(*disclaimer: The video wasn't really the Republican Las Vegas debate, I hope I didn't cause any confusion because the similarities are a little close for comfort...The video is the 2004 film, Sissy Boy Slap Party by the great Canadian film maker, Guy Maddin.)

1 comment:

Laci The Dog said...

One problem with 999 is that its the worlds oldest emergency number.