Say what you will about the Colombian military, but they sure know how to spend our tax dollars. While the United States can’t manage to avoid zillions of civilian casualties in Iraq, the Colombians have the technology to bomb a foreign country, kill everybody on their target list, and still manage to preserve an enemy laptop. A very special laptop.
You see this laptop belonged to Raul Reyes, the FARC’s now-dead #1 foreign policy guy who had been negotiating hostage releases with Venezuela, France, Switzerland and Spain. Apparently Reyes stored inside it the very evidence to support every harebrained conspiracy theory that the Colombian government would like the world to know about. And they are all true, because the Colombian secret police would never lie.Monday, General Oscar Naranjo held a press conference to disclose that
the government now had evidence that Ecuador's President had ties to FARC,
"including contacts about political proposals and local military commanders."
In conclusion “Naranjo did not provide details of the payments, or the uranium claim, and none of the documents were made public” The End!
In the evening another Naranjo press conference revealed the fruit of an even deeper search of the laptop where still more FARConia was to be found. This time the ties were with Venezuela, and included a possible 300 million dollar cash money payment, although it remained unclear whether “Venezuela actually delivered this money to the rebels.”
Rubbed again, the magic laptop revealed correspondence between Hugo Chavez and the FARC going back 16 years. Who knew laptops even lasted that long and/or jungle rebels would upload a decade’s worth of incriminating evidence each time they upgrade their hardware?
Rub the magic laptop again and it reveals that the FARC were constructing nuclear weapons in their primitive jungle camps!